Am I Dreamin’

That 3pm thunderstorm was was a non-event - 

while the rumbles promised everything it leant 

over backwards to upset only the dog; he was 

prostrate in the kitchen pretending while I, the 

weather guru, was miffed so few drops of rain 

descended from a threatening sky; why waste 

time spitting anything if birds don’t pause their 

singing - to me such desultory rain suggests 

That amazingly animated weather map is a 

malicious creation of recondite jest, & yes it 

went overhead on its way out to sea without 

disproportionately endangering anyone other  

than Podge’s inordinate sense of calm - and 

he affords me that accusatory canine glare 

I say, well mate here’s th’ bloody radar map, 

supposedly we’re ‘where Crohamhurst’s at’, 

or is that in error too; - heavy rain we were 

supposed to get missed us by millimetres - 

thunder’s everywhere but’ve y’ felt or seen 

a lightening strike to get so damned upset 

Crikey, says me mate Podge, turn y’ bloody 

hearing aids on ’n take off the shades - yer 

not back in the Army - see th’ power just flit 

or am I losing the plot too - and the rain’s a 

damn sight heavier ’n it’s been since 3 pm 

so maybe we’re screwed, or am I dreamin’ 

© 8 December 2014, I. D. Carswell

With all the drama we still only received 3.5mm